i really don't know what i want anymore. i thought maybe i could try again, have a second chance. but i guess things really don't go the way you want it or expect it to. i thought these few days i'll start feeling better, but i just kept feeling worse day by day. i'll have really bad moodswings, and start overthinking every single event that happened each day or the previous days... and it really sucks when those late night thoughts start to creep into your mind during the day.

i really want to talk to someone about my problems, but then i don't really think anyone could possible give a fuck as they have their own problems to worry about and i don't want to bother anyone.. but i really need help i swear, i can't go on like this. last month there was a period of time i just suddenly went into like a mini-depression when i just put my phone on mute, or airplane mode. i really didn't want to talk to anyone at all, i felt upset over small little matters, and i went to drink and smoke alot.

i was alright for awhile, i got better a little after i started to feel numb towards what made me so unhappy.

but recently, i feel like i'm going back into this mini-depression because life has been unkind to me lately

i made a really fucked up decision that i regretted as soon as i agreed to it, and until now, i really don't know what to do. i can't leave, it will just make things worse. i really want to make it work, but how can i when i can't even bloody get over him?? everything's so fucked up, i can't deal with this.

you say you want to give me your all, your 100% and you want this to work. but then again you're not entirely over your ex. you told me you can cut off all ties with her if i'm uncomfortable with it. but it wouldn't be fair to you because i'm not over him. so i won't say anything. this thing we have... it's not gonna work out unless we can help each other. but i'm not so sure about that..

i just want to lie in bed, in the dark, listen to twenty one pilots and just think about everything, at least it helps me escape reality temporarily